Heyo. I know I haven’t been around much lately, and I’ll talk about that later, but before I get to updating you all on what’s been happening with me, let’s go through my TBR for the month.
Now, if you’ve been following my blog for a while, I’m sure you’ll remember me saying something along the lines of “I won’t be posting any TBRs on this blog”. Turns out, that was a lie! I originally wasn’t going to post TBRs, because I felt they would create too much stress for me to read. But I planned out all of my reading for the rest of the year anyway, in a desperate attempt to get rid of my slump and motivate me to read (spoiler alert: it didn’t work, I read nothing in April, hence why I haven’t posted a wrap-up), so I figure I’ll give you all an idea of what I’m planning on reading this month. I also decided very last-minute (like, basically right now) that I’m going to participate in mental-health-a-thon, which is a month-long read-a-thon created to encourage people to read books with mental illness representation during Mental Health Awareness Month in May, so I’ll give you all my TBR for that as well.
Ok, so the point of mental-health-a-thon is to just read as many books with mental health representation that you can in the month of May. However, the hosts did create a bingo board of different challenges you can try to complete, and so I’m going to aim to complete as many challenges as I can. Thankfully, you can double-up, triple-up, etc on challenges, so I won’t need to read 15 books this month. However, since I’m obsessed with mental health books, I kind of ended up with, like, 10 books on my TBR anyway (whoops).
I’m not too fussed about completing every single challenge on the board, though, because I don’t want to limit myself to just reading only one book with each kind of representation or anything. And it’s really hard to find books with representation of less common mental illnesses that are actually endorsed by own voices reviewers, which sucks, but is also just the way things are (though I welcome any and all recommendations, please and thank you). And because I can’t order books at the moment, because I’m moving soon, I kind of have to stick with what I have. But I’m still going to be trying to read as many books with mental health representation as I can this month. So, the books I’m hoping to pick up are:
Sparrow by Sarah Moon
This is the group book for the mental-health-a-thon, and I think it has anxiety rep? This is the book that I’m most worried about not getting to, because I don’t own it and can’t order books at the moment because we’re moving soon, so I’ll have to get it as an e-book, but I hate reading e-books and tend to put them off. But I’ve heard really good things from people who have read this book, so I’m excited to get to it, even if I will have to read it in a format I’m not that into.
Four Weeks, Five People by Jennifer Yu
I’ve actually already read this book and holy fuck. Let’s just say that I have a lot of feelings. But this is kind of a cheat book, because the author has experience with an eating disorder and depression, so it’s own voices. And then, within the book, there’s depression rep, OCD rep, eating disorder rep (anorexia nervosa), and personality disorder rep (narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder with dissociative symptoms). And then on top of that, the character in this book with OCD is also Asian, so it’s intersectional. In other words, this book single-handedly crosses 6 challenges off the list.
Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
Ok, so I know I said I was most worried about getting to Sparrow, but I’m honestly more worried about getting to Six of Crows this month. I’m planning on rereading the Shadow and Bone trilogy before rereading the SoC duology, and I know that that will take a while (but I have to reread them because I need to get to King of Scars before I explode). But if I do finish the Grisha trilogy this month, and still have time to read this book, it has PTSD rep, and it’s also one of the host’s picks, so that’s another two challenges down.
A Quiet Kind of Thunder by Sara Barnard
This book has anxiety representation, as well as selective mutism rep and deaf rep, and so I’m really excited to get to it. Plus, it just sounds like a really adorable story, and I’m definitely in the mood for some fluffy cuteness with a side of heartache right now, so this book seems perfect for my current reading mood.
The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan
I have heard so many amazing things about this book and the beautiful writing and heart wrenching story and I need it in my life right now. Not only does it deal with issues of grief and suicide, but it also has a Taiwanese main character and is, partly, set in Taiwan, which is perfect for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, which is also in May. And, that also makes this book intersectional.
My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga
I know nothing about this book except for the fact that it has depression representation and trigger warnings for suicide. A friend of mine was reading it way back in 2015, and I don’t even remember if she liked it or not, but I own it, so I may as well read it this month.
We Are Okay by Nina LaCour
I have heard so many brilliant things about this book and it’s depression representation and I’m so incredibly excited to finally read it. It’s a short book, but I’ve heard it packs such an emotional punch, so it’ll be good for a read-a-thon and for breaking my heart. Can’t wait!!
Solitaire by Alice Oseman
I’ve heard brilliant things about all of Alice Oseman’s works except for this one, but I also know that this was a debut novel published when the author was only 19 (and written when she was 17, aka, a year younger than I am now), so, fuck, I’m impressed as hell by this either way. But, after reading Heartstopper by this author (and completely falling head over heels for it), I feel like I have to read all of her books, now, and I’m starting with this because it’s the first. I think it has depression rep, so this month would be a good time to read it, but mostly I just want to get this book out of the way as soon as possible so I can get to her other works, which I’ve heard nothing but amazing things about.
Ok, so I know that a lot of these are books with depression or anxiety representation, but I’ve chosen to focus on reading those because A) these are the mental illnesses that I suffer with, and I actually haven’t read many books focusing on these, and so I really want to give myself a chance to read books that represent me during this month, and B) unfortunately, the books I own that focus on other mental illnesses, I’ve since learned contain problematic or harmful content, or the representation was recognized as unrealistic by own voices reviewers, so I don’t really want to read them. But hopefully I’ll find some great representation through all the Mental Health Awareness Month Book recommendation posts and videos that have been coming out lately.
May TBR (the rest)
Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo
The first time I read this book, I thought it was ok, but it wasn’t a favourite or anything. Hopefully I enjoy it a lot more upon reread, because I do really love Leigh Bardugo’s writing. It’s just that the characters in this book are so freaking annoying ughhhh.
Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo
Yep. For some reason I’ve decided to torture myself this month. This book was even worse when I read it the first time. In fact, the only redeeming element of this book was Nikolai Lantsov, whom I loved so much that I’m willing to endure Alina’s whiny garbage and Mal’s boring stupidity and the Darkling’s evil-wannabe shit, just so that I can read King of Scars, which is the first book in the Nikolai duology.
Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo
I legit got 7 pages through this the first time I tried to read it before I gave up. Which is probably my biggest regret, like, ever, cuz I doubt I’d be forcing myself to reread this series if I actually read this book the first time. This is why I hate DNFing. But yeah, sorry that this turned into a Shadow and Bone hate fest, I’m just not into this series. But Nikolai owns my soul, and I’d do anything for the book characters I love, so I’m rereading this series despite how boring I find it.
Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan
I’m already halfway through this book, and have a lot of feelings about it (mainly a whole boat load of nostalgia because fuck I miss Singapore). But I then fell into a massive reading slump and never finished this, and I would like to review it, so I’m gonna try finish the rest of this audiobook this month. Plus, yay, more Asian books for APAHM!
A Flight of Broken Wings by Nupur Chowdhury
There’s embarrassing, and then there’s the fact that I still haven’t finished this book yet. If reading slumps were physical entities, you better fucking believe I’d be hunting them like the characters in this book hunt aerials (see, I am reading this, I can reference it, I’m not that bad (please, someone just tell me I’m not that bad before I explode from self-hatred, cuz I’ve been reading this for over five months now, help)). Ok, but seriously, my reading slump + the fact that this is an e-book, which y’all know I’m not into, has just lead me to avoid the hell out of this book, even though I’m actually really enjoying it. Someone please just stake me if I still haven’t finished it by the time May ends, cuz I need to know what happens to these characters already, even though I clearly don’t deserve to find out ughhhhh.
And that’s it. That’s my tbr for the month. 13 whole books. Totally not ambitious at all. It’s not like I haven’t even read that many books so far this year, let alone in one month (half a month actually, fuck (I mean, nope, this fine, everything is fine)). I can totally do this. This is fine. Everything is great. Stress? What’s that? So now what you’ve all been waiting for:
Where the Fuck Have I Been??
I have this really neat friend called depression, who’s not actually neat, but a complete dick, and who’s not actually my friend, but my mortal enemy, and who’s not actually a physical entity, but a mental illness, so really that entire sentence was a lie. But yeah, sometimes it fucks me up. Like it did in the entire month of April. I just had a really bad mental health month, and when topped off with having started a blog the month before, and then a Twitter in April, I just kind of shoved a whole bunch of new shit to handle on top of goodreads and reading and reviewing, and I pretty much overwhelmed myself to the point where I shut down and couldn’t bring myself to write anything or interact with anyone.
Which sucks, cuz there was a lot I wanted to write/post in April and early May, including a bunch of tags I’ve been tagged in, a Muse of Nightmares review I’ve been telling y’all is coming for over a month, and post for Autism Acceptance Month in April, a birthday post cuz I turned 18 on the 3rd of May, and whole load of other stuff. And I didn’t get to any of it, which makes me want to cry. Add to that the fact that I haven’t been on goodreads in over a month (in part because my laptop is still broken, but mostly just cuz April was a trash month for me) AND that I read nothing last month, I went into May feeling like a total failure, which pretty much just fucked with me even more, and lead me to putting off posting until I eventually forced myself to today.
So that’s where I’ve been. In terms of an update, I will be back on goodreads and twitter tomorrow. I’ll also be interacting with you all on here starting tomorrow, because there’s tons of comments I need to respond to and posts I need to read from all my favourites. So if I randomly comment on something you posted a month ago, it’s just me catching up with this community. I would like to mention that my laptop is still broken, which will continue to make using goodreads and blogging difficult, but I will be trying my best, because I miss both. But yeah, hopefully I’ll be a lot more active from now on, and I’m so sorry for the disappearance.
Also, a very general blogging schedule that I’ve come up with on the spot that I’m gonna share with you all so I have an excuse to keep myself accountable:
Tuesday: Top Ten Tuesday
Wednesday: Recommendations or hauls/unhauls or other random bookish content
Friday: Tags/Memes/Blogger Awards
Sunday: Reviews or Discussions
I might post other days of the week, I might not. But those are the days that I’m going to try to be consistent with, because I know that my lack of consistency in posting is definitely hurting my blog and is something I need to work on. Other than that, though, I think that’s really all that I have to say. This post is technically breaking my “no posting twice in one day” rule, but I’m posting this pretty early (lmfao, nope, I ended up posting this at 11:00 pm, kill me), and then posting my TTT a lot later, so hopefully they’ll be spaced out well enough that it’s not too noticeable. But yeah, that’s all from me for now, but you’ll be seeing me soon. For now, feel free to chat with me, and hopefully I’ll actually be replying now. I want to say “that’s all for now” again, but I already did, so I don’t know how else to end this paragraph other than byeeeeee.
P.S. every time I typed “thon” when writing read-a-thon, it autocorrected to “Thyon” because I’m complete Laini Taylor trash.